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Society, the media, and researchers are frequently unkind to fathers, portraying them as incompetent or absent parents. These stereotypes are damaging and hurtful to fathers who are taking an active role in their children's lives.
The flip side of this portrayal of fathers is an assumption that mothers are an extremely important influence and that any and all problems observed in children must be blamed on the their mistakes. This exists in research, in the media, and in society in general.
As a blogger who frequently combs through the latest parenting research, I have been frustrated with the assumptions that are made about gender roles when developing methodologies and carrying out research. For example:
- One study looked at the impact of maternal employment and work schedules on children's body mass index. It found that "an increase in the total time a mother is employed is associated with an increase in her child’s BMI; additionally, the association between maternal employment and children’s weight is much stronger at 6th grade relative to younger ages.” Where do fathers fit into this? Simple: "the role that fathers’ work plays in children’s physical health remains unexplored." Whether the father worked or not, what the father's work schedule was, whether the father was a stay-at-home dad (versus the child being in day care) was not even considered. Only the absence of the mother was considered important. When mothers go to work, people wonder who is taking care of their children. When fathers go to work, are they asked the same thing?
- A couple of studies in 2009 (Berlin and Strauss) looked at the impact of spanking on children and came to the conclusion that children who are spanked have a lower IQ and are more aggressive than children who are not spanked. The studies did control for maternal education, but didn't even consider the father's education as a factor. This seems to assume that the mother is the only one making decisions about how the child will be disciplined and also the only one contributing (even genetically) to the IQ of the child.
- A 2010 study on Emotional Availability and Infant Sleep concluded that "parents' emotional availability at bedtimes may be as important, if not more important, than bedtime practices in predicting infant sleep quality." However, the study was based entirely on observations of "maternal practices" at bedtime. At first, I cringed when I read this, thinking it was another case of assuming that only the mother could bring the baby to bed and also blaming her for poor sleep quality. However, when I got to the methodology section I found that fathers had been recruited for the study, but that too few of them interacted with their infants long enough at bedtime to capture and code the data.
As you can see from those studies, some assume right from the start that only mothering could have an influence and disregard the father completely. Others attempt to bring the father in, but are unable to do so either because he isn't playing an active role or because he is unwilling to participate in the study. Those are just the researchers. If we go beyond that and look at the media, there are a whole host of other problems that get brought in. The media reports on these research studies and lays the blame on mothers. The media also likes to focus on the extremes and mock what they consider to be bad mothers while advertisers like to play on mothers' fears and seem to assume they are stupid.
Are researchers wrong to put so much focus on the mother and so little focus on the father? Are they doing so based on a true representation of the roles of mothers versus fathers in our society (in which involved fathers are an anomaly)? Or are they doing so based on old ingrained assumptions and biases about the role of the mother versus the role of the father in a family?
Researchers at the University of Maryland analyzed data on the time that mothers and fathers spend caring for their children. Using data from two studies, one that looked at the change from 1965 to 2000 and another that looked at the change from 2000 to 2003/2004, we can note that:
- Married fathers spent an average 6.5 hours a week caring for their children in 2000, a 153 percent increase since 1965.
- Married mothers spent 12.9 hours a week caring for their children in 2000, a 21 percent increase since 1965. Single mothers spent 11.8 hours, a 57 percent increase.
- In 2003/2004, 85% of mothers and 60% of fathers were engaged in any primary childcare (i.e. childcare was their primary activity at the time) and 95% of mothers and 82% of fathers were engaged in some secondary childcare (i.e. their primary activity was something else, but they were watching the kids at the same time).
Overall, these figures show that mothers are still doing the bulk of the childcare work within the family, but that fathers are involved too and that the degree to which fathers are involved is increasing significantly. This tells me that it is time for fathers to be given some of the credit and some of the blame (to the extent that credit/blame belongs on the shoulders of either parent) and it is time for researchers to stop assuming that only the choices and actions of the mother are relevant.
I don't want to turn this into a debate about who contributes more or who deserves more blame (for being absent or for screwing up while being present). I don't think that will help mothers or fathers or children. However, I do think that researchers and the media need to rethink their portrayal of mothers and fathers.
I also think that our society, as a whole, needs to put more value on parenting. Mothers and fathers alike should be celebrated for the contribution that they make to their children's lives, rather than being blamed and ridiculed for everything that goes wrong.
Annie has been blogging about the art and science of parenting on the PhD in Parenting Blog since May 2008. She is a social, political and consumer advocate on issues of importance to parents, women and children. She uses her blog as a platform to create awareness and to advocate for change, calling out the government, corporations, media and sometimes other bloggers for positions, policies and actions that threaten the rights and well-being of parents and their children.
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Even the "interesting" information provided by that late mentioned Maryland study shows very little that can be looked upon reliably.
* Married fathers spent an average 6.5 hours a week caring for their children in 2000, a 153 percent increase since 1965.
If we were to presume 8 hours of sleep time and 8 hours of work time (not counting commuting), that leaves 56 hours in a week. Does anyone really believe that dads as a group are only spending 6.5 hours per week "caring" for their children?
What does the study count as "caring?" I rarely see those criteria identified and, when they are, the examples are decidedly "mother-centric".
* Married mothers spent 12.9 hours a week caring for their children in 2000, a 21 percent increase since 1965. Single mothers spent 11.8 hours, a 57 percent increase.
Much like my commentary above, how many of those mothers are non-working mothers? Part-time working mothers? Full-time+ working mothers?
How does the decidedly imbalanced child custody order data factor into how much "care for the children" time fathers actually have an opportunity to do?
* In 2003/2004, 85% of mothers and 60% of fathers were engaged in any primary childcare (i.e. childcare was their primary activity at the time) and 95% of mothers and 82% of fathers were engaged in some secondary childcare (i.e. their primary activity was something else, but they were watching the kids at the same time).
Again, what is consider "child care?" Sitting on my duff watching them play? Giving them a bath? Feeding them a bottle?
This notion that fathers don't know how to cook, love, care, be responsible, and all of the other things that society just seems to take for granted that mothers do and allegedly always do well is an argument that has no discernible outcome except to continue to foster the types of mindsets that result in fathers getting little or no custody in the aftermath of divorce.
With all due respect to Jessica (or anyone else who believes that being an active father is some sort of magical epiphany that takes place after he's away from the wife) - most dads can and do everything necessary to bring up a well-rounded child.
So, what's the point of all of these types of studies anyway? To re-affirm the misguided notion that mothers are, by default, the best choice to care for children?
Stop the madness.
I am currently an undergraduate sociology major and have had the opportunity to conduct my own research study. I conducted my research on the impact on intergenerational Corporal Punishment and after reading through past studies on corporal punishment I would agree that there are many more studies that focus on mothers, or both parents but very few on fathers alone.
I think the issue is that we as a society are in a transition stage where parenting is becoming more of a partnership between parents regarding active parenting roles. I think with these changes in society that we will hopefully begin to see more studies being published with more emphases on fathering and there effects on their children.
However, I must say that when I was gathering data for my own study I had way more female participants then males. For this reason when I write my results it will be based on general results from the sample as a whole and I will not be able to see any significant findings for males. I personally found it much harder to get males to participate. I am not sure why but it was frustrating for me because I wanted balanced results.
One thing that is important to remember about research is that it’s not perfect, and after finishing a study it’s easy to look back and see that you could have done things a little different. This is why in most reports there is a discussions section that helps the next person that does research on the topic.
I would recommend for both mothers and fathers to participate in parenting studies when given the opportunity. The more people get involved in research about parenting and with the help of involved parents like you all I am very optimistic about the future in parenting research!
After a while, many fathers just take a secondary role on those issues for the simple reason that it isn't worth the upset that is caused as a result of the maternal gatekeeping.
I'm a father, and as a father of three I can do what I can do in my family. Furthermore, I can be an example and encourage others in their families. I can perhaps vote for someone that might implement a policy. I think on these issues I will be a free-rider, benefiting from others monitoring and analyse. Meanwhile I will act where I can have the most influence and where I have the greatest responsibility: In my own family. I think that this is a norm amongst most families my age (parents mid-30s) from my experience, and I think this is the best kind of grassroots societal transformation.
It was a big shock for all of us, especially me.
I was even a little disappointed to find him so capable. I'd left secretly delighting in the fact that he would not be able to cope w. my workload in addition to his own, and looking forward to being able to say "I told you so" when he realized how hard my job is. Boy did he prove me wrong. He not only survived, all of them thrived. It was a great eye-opener for me - now I'm able to take on some of his suggestions for streamlining motherhood. I love dads and I have to say I have been guilty up until now, of discriminating against them without even knowing it - stereotyping them, dumbing them down even, as if they couldn't parent if we moms didn't tell them what to do. Well boy was I wrong about that.
(My post is called Mr. Mary Poppins Was Here http://wp.me/p1oOgv-d9)
Great discussion.
Going back to your original premise, however, I agree the lack of involvement of fathers in research is appalling. Thanks for your well written and thoughtful blog post.
Encouragingly, there is research out there that does look at fathers and parents and what they've learned is that fathers are nurturing just in different ways than mothers. :-)
Out here in Marin County, California we have very involved dad's at every turn – many are even the primary care giver or split the childcare/childfun time with a working spouse.
In our home, Kari spends more time with Kai as a stay at home mom (when she is not in school) and I go off to bring home the bacon. Our arrangement is not out of prescribed roles, but rather arises out of pragmatism and from paying attention to what works best for us – individually and as a family.
Kari is a steadier personality than I, can better handle long periods with Kai, and is biologically and psychologically more tethered to him (Still have not been able to go away on that overnight alone together after almost 3 years!)
I love my days with Kai, and I know that I would be a less happy and loving father if I were forced to be the stay at home dad. I have other passions that need expression for my fullness to be cultivated and shared. Plus, I can bring home the bacon in a much shorter period of time, so it works for all of us to be together more.
The bottom line for our family: we don't care about roles or should's or blame. Whatever serves to magnify love the most in our home...
Thanks for the post.
The laws used against fathers in family courts are biased and slanted in the woman’s favor. A man does not stand a chance, when he is forced to pay or go to jail...before a word is spoken.
Men need to unite as women did when seeking their rights. Until fathers speak in a unified voice, we will continue to be viewed as the ‘lesser parent’. Until we do, the courts and society will continue to believe the false truths that now comprise the laws…and in the end, the true losers are the children.
As long as good dads live as role models to their children, those will certainly be the greatest strides towards positive change we can make.
Stay positive.
Now we have a fabulously rich data set in which we can look at the effects of primary, female, or male caretakers; biological parents vs. caretakers with other relationships to the boy; employed vs. not employed, etc., etc. Designing a questionnaire that allows for different types of caretakers is not all that hard! I don't understand why other studies don't do better at that.
However, we do have some trouble analyzing the effects of male caretakers--even more so if we look at just biological fathers living in the home--because there are fewer of them than females and mothers (about 90% of families at any point in time designated the bio mom as primary caretaker, and about half of moms were single) so the statistical power is reduced.
I feel there's an enormous effect of media pushing the "dads are incompetent" idea. Toward the end of my article on Christian children's television is an anecdote about my then-five-year-old son's appalled reaction to a TV cowboy singing about how when Daddy takes charge, he does everything wrong. He's had similar reactions to ad slogans like, "Kid tested, mother approved"--"Well, but what do dads think of it??" It gives me hope, since I have sometimes felt that his dad is not doing an equal share; to the kid himself, evidently, dad is noticeably involved in parenting.
Married fathers spent an average 6.5 hours a week caring for their children in 2000, a 153 percent increase since 1965.
Married mothers spent 12.9 hours a week caring for their children in 2000, a 21 percent increase since 1965. Single mothers spent 11.8 hours, a 57 percent increase.
All three groups increased their childcare time. That's strange. You'd think that such a big increase from fathers would mean some decrease from mothers. Does this mean that parents overall do more for their kids now than in 1965? or is it a difference in definition of "caring"?
So much for being a dad.
I know i was born in the early 60s and can remember growing up and doing more with my mother then my father.
Not because he did not care because he was working long hrs to provide for us.
I can remember fishing with my dad and hunting with him and doing other stuff on the weekends and him working long hrs through the week.
To say that mom's spent more time with there kid's then and dad was absent because he was just absent is misinformation and can be explained as them trying to provide for a large family of 7-8 or more children in the 60s and 70s.
I worked 60 to 70 hrs a week and some times was away from home working 2 weeks at a time trying to provide for my family of 4 and tried to spend all my home time with my wife and kids like my father did.
Does that make me a incompetent or absent father by choice?...No i did what i had to to provide for my family and give my wife and children what they needed to survive.
Today the norm for a family is 2-4 children not 6-11.