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Written by Nathan Greenberg   
Saturday, 21 August 2010 06:49

For the non-mathamatically inclined, the article title says "Mommy Greater Than Daddy". It is an accurate reflection of my son's current attitude. As President Obama would say right about now, "let me be clear": he still loves me and smiles from ear to ear when I get home. But with less than two years of life under his belt, my beloved son has hit that necessary but hard to endure stage of preferring one parent over the other.

For the past few weeks his sleeping habits have been a bit off. Actually, that is a very gentle way of saying he's refusing to go to bed, wants stories read 10 times each, claims to be hungry and thirsty, and most importantly "mommy". When she and I leave the room and he's wailing like a torture victim, if I'm the first one to try and comfort him I get the heartwarming response of "Daddy no".

Ouch.

He only screams for her. According to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, MD, in Touchpoints: Birth to Three, a child not yet two years old only has the capacity to truly learn from one parent at a time. He is attempting to learn everything they do -from facial expressions to sounds and gestures- and simply can't watch two adults at the same time.

That makes sense to me and I knew this phase would come eventually. But it still stings a bit because as a working parent, I value the small amounts of time I have with my child. I come home, forget about work, leave the iPhone on the dresser and spend time with the boy. I understand its a matter of patience. This too shall pass and soon enough he'll reject his mother and love my attention. (Sorry. I love you honey.)

I started thinking about the future and knowing that although this phase is temporary, it isn't alone...

Age 1: "Daddy no."
Age 7: "I only want MOMMY!"
Age 17: "Do I have to admit we're related?"

Eh, I'll still love him.

 
Comments (2)
1 Sunday, 22 August 2010 06:40
Jillian
Very interesting and, I'm sure, frustrating. I don't think our son has a "favorite" parent. He actually wails for Daddy whenever Daddy is home. If I take him somewhere while Daddy is home and Daddy doesn't come with us, he screams "Abbah!"and sobs during the car ride. I don't see it as favoritism in our case though. I think that, while he is an incredible and loving Daddy, my husband doesn't spend a lot of quality time with our son. When he does, the bond between my boys is a beautiful thing to see. In this case I consider the wailing and Daddy preference to be our child missing his Dad. It's apparent that I'm correct when I see the look of absolute joy on Elijah's face the few times a week our little family spends time together. He likes to come up to us and name us, reminding us that we are together and that it makes him happy. It's precious. And I have to say his cries for his Daddy, while heartbreaking, make me happy too. I am so glad that he loves his Dad and values time with him. My husband and I grew up with less than perfect (I'm being kind here) examples of Daddies. I'm so pleased that when my husband is "on" and being a proactive Dad he is the best one I've ever known. I'm hoping he increases those times, because Elijah, my husband, and I benefit so much from them!

I'd also like to add, my child does NOT cry when I leave. I think he gets tired of me as I am with him from 7:3 am to 8:30 pm. I feed him all his meals, toilet train him, play with him, and bathe him and get him ready for bed. I can't really blame him for not being sad when I leave!!
2 Saturday, 28 August 2010 16:49
dave
i appreciated the line about a kid learns from one parent at a time. i never thought about that.

words to think about.

thank you.

great site by the way. keep it up!!!

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