Moms and Dads parent differently. This shouldn't be a shock to most of you. It was probably evident soon after the birth of your baby when you wanted to do one thing with your new bundle of pride and joy and Mom wanted something else for her cute and cuddly darling. The differences in style can -and should- be stark as well as important. Those differences never go away and continue to appear with each moment of discipline, reward, adapation, or learning. They are critical to raising a well-rounded and socially prepared young adult.

With all of that being said, how does it affect the psychology of the parents? Its good for the child to see the behavioral differences between men and women. Its good for young boys and girls to see Mom as protective and supportive while Dad is more of a risk taker and rule enforcer. But life doesn't exist in a vacuum and neither do our choices. Moms and Dads, while still being unique individuals, must come together when it involves raising a child. And when they disagree, it has impact on more than just the kids.

For those in a traditional Dad role of primary breadwinner, there are few greater moments in the day than coming home to a smile, hug, and "hi" from your kids. Your duty of providing for the financial well-being of your family puts you in contrast with the desire to be home with them to nurture and play. So when those two worlds can come together, its a wonderful feeling. Mom has had the fortune to spend the day with the kids and see them walk, hear new words, bring home tests with gold stars, ask about going to a party, or some other event that is a milestone in the life of a child.

When Dad arrives, he has some catching up to do. What did Billy say today? How many steps did Joanna take? Did Noah ask that girl out? But the good moments aren't all that Mom has seen or cultivated. There are moments which need discipline as well. Sally threw her plate on the floor and throws temper tantrums. Elijah kicked the cat three times today. Brittany brought home another D+.

During those moments, it can be easy for a Dad to think, "If Mom wasn't so tolerant of bad behavior, it wouldn't be happening." In all honesty, that could be an accurate observation in some cases. It can also go both ways if Dad is the primary disciplinarian and/or stay-at-home parent. As I mentioned earlier, Mom is traditionally the one to provide protection and support while Dad is the rule guy. But he needs to remember that Mom is home all day with the behaviors and has probably used a variety of tools to deal with problems. Don't assume she sees bad behavior and says, "honey, Mommy would like you to stop that. But if you don't, I love you anyway." She's probably taken toys away, used time outs, and given stern lectures in volumes a notch or two above normal. When Dads see a bad behavior recurring, they should take the time to talk to Mom in private and see what has been tried. Neither of you is parenting alone.

It is always best for the child to see a unified front from the parents. Both rewards and discipline should be a team effort. Come to an agreement about how a situation will be handled. Have these discussions on a daily or weekly basis, even if a particular scenario hasn't happened yet. Nothing wrong with planning!

The important thing for Dad to remember is that it can be easy to blame Mom for a behavior, but it isn't always right. Talk about it first. You know the old adage about assuming. Mom may have tried your recommended approach already. She may have gone beyond your idea already. You won't know until you talk about it. If she has, discuss a new approach to curb the bad behavior. Whether your child is two or 12, they need a couple of parents who will work together and show them what it means to be a responsible young adult.