Though we celebrate our supposed God given right to the pursuit of happiness only the most naive of people do not realize that the pursuit of happiness through divorce leaves a long, long trail of loss to all those involved ... this essay is one such Father's testimony as to what is lost and why.

To begin, the Good Father that you are divorcing will in all likelihood be snatched up post haste by a Good Mother who has either lost her husband to death, abandonment or justifiable divorce by reason of drugs, alcohol or abuse. This Good Father, like all Good Fathers, will continue to be a Good Father, but not just to your children, but to the children of the woman who now claims him as her own. As there is a shortage of Good Fathers you must be wholly aware that by divorcing yours you are giving him to another.

You may well find yourself thinking that you've done a real favor to some other woman and you really have ... but this Good Father is now also the Good Father of her children as well as yours and a Good Grandfather to her children's children. Now you can expect this Good Father to continue to love and sacrifice for your children for as long as he draws breath but you also must accept that you have given your children's father to another set of children who he will also now love and sacrifice for as well.

The good news is that such a good man as this has plenty of love in his heart and a strong enough back to handle the load ... but your children are now sharing the Father that they were never supposed to have to share. Just how this sits with them largely depends on a combination of how giving their hearts are and how confident they are in their Father's love for them. But under the best of circumstances they will eventually be aware, and possibly disappointed and hurt, when they see the love that would have been wholly theirs being shared with others.

The Good Father that you have fired as your husband will be keenly aware of all of this. He will both embrace the chance to be a Good Father to more children than he personally fathered and lament every moment that he senses your children's awareness of their loss of his total love, assets and attention. I personally shed tears for both the joy that comes with the love and admiration of children and grandchildren not my own and the utter sadness and heartbreak I feel when I sense distance between me and my own children because of it.

The worst part of all is that a Good Mother rarely has the same capacity to love other children as much as she loves her own, it is simply against the nature of most women to do so. Because a Good Father ordinarily loves and cherishes his new wife as much as or more than he ever loved his children's mother he winds up weeping alone in his heart every time he feels pulled between his new wife and his own children. Such a man will love all of his children and grandchildren but he will suffer privately because of it.

So, for whatever reason you are considering getting rid of the man who is being a Good Father to your children try hard to see past yourself and your own happiness just long enough to know that though you may find joy in getting rid of him completely you are also likely taking him halfway away from your own children as well. This Good Father to your children is most likely a very Good Man in general ... think twice, think thrice before you give him to someone else through divorce.

Succinctly stated, if your kids think your husband is worth keeping, he probably is ... if you've finally got a Good Man, a Good Father, in your grasp then hang on tight and do your best to love his kids too, it crushes his heart when you don't and emboldens him to love you and your kids even more when you do.

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The Fellowship of the Gitite