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 Breaching the topic of death with someone so new in the game of life is no easy task. This past Saturday, my wife and I made the decision to put our black lab, Blacky, to sleep. He had aged tremendously over the last couple of years and developed a slew of problems. His weakening legs caused him to trip on things and fall over on a regular basis, his breathing was incredibly labored, and his skin was drying out and causing a lot of shedding and itching for him. For his own sake, we decided we had to do for him what he could not.
That decision raised many issues about whether or not our one-year-old son would miss the dog. Would he even be aware that he was gone? Personally, I felt fortunate that he was too young to need an explanation of death and why Mommy and Daddy were killing his favorite dog. Contemplating the layers of life is a bit much for someone who just grasped the concept of sleeves. I've had pets my entire life and, unfortunately, have seen more than a handful of pets at the end of their lives. I remember a book my parents gave me called The Fall of Freddie the Leaf which was a great book at simplifying death for children. In fact, I still have it in our home library and I'm sure I'll need to pass it on one day to my son. Its been a few days now and my wife saw something yesterday which showed her that our son does indeed know the dog is missing. Over the last month or two, he has picked up the common yet less-than-helpful habit of sharing his food with the dogs. Just a simple drop over the left or right side of the chair and he seems to enjoy watching the pooches gobble up the goodies. Our black lab was the biggest of our three dogs and would occasionally eat food directly from his hand. Yesterday, he looked at both of our remaining dogs and let out a sort of grunt at each of them. Then, he seemed to scan the entire downstairs as well as backyard (through the glass doors) as if looking for the dog that was closer to his height. He had never done this before. We're both pretty certain he was looking for Blacky. How did you deal handle the topic of death with your children? Did you have a book to make it easier? Share your experiences and suggestions in the comment section below. Thank you.
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My kids are 8, 10, 11, and 15, so they understood. We cuddled her, scratched her belly, fed her table scraps, knowing each time might be the last time. And it has helped that we had gotten another dog, another pug, about three months ago. The transition has been easier, though we miss Shadow's little yips during dinner, or the way her nails scraped the kitchen floor. We buried her in our backyard, something we can legally do in our area, and held a little remembrance ceremony. We cried. And then the kids found some rocks and made a headstone.
And we have chosen not to rent Marley & Me . . .
When he's a bit older have a reading session of "Freddie ..." with him. In fact, it can be repeated several times. It really is such a wonderful story of the cycle of life. Cudos to you for keeping that book in your library.
When our son was older, perhaps starting when he was 9, he and I shared many conversations about "what happens after you die." The topics ran the gammut of faith based scenarios to astrophysics. The discussion was never with a thought of "what is right or wrong". but rather what made sense to each of us ... what gave us personal comfort. There were no judgements pronounced at all.
On the death of his grandpa, my 9 year old son walked up to the grave of the grandfather he loved, and bent down to place a pack of treasured "football cards" onto his grandpa's grave and said, "I know you'll like these." His grandpa was such a fan! It didn't matter to my son whether or not there was really a heaven ... it mattered that his grandpa thought there is one and at 9 years old he honored grandpa.