Dads Ignored At The Door PDF Print E-mail
Blog - Dad > Career
Written by Nathan Greenberg   
Sunday, 10 January 2010 12:00

Working Dad with babyMost Dads go to work. The traditional male role of sole income provider is slowly but surely sharing a place in society with a co-earning parent, but that is nothing new. It has been occurring since the 1940's when American society asked women to take up the mantles of men who had gone off to fight a war. Academia has studied this trend more and more deeply over the previous decades looking beyond the simple question of why and turning to an examination of its impact on the family, and men specifically.

According to a new study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, Dads are ignored far more often than Moms when returning home from work. It seems a strange dichotomy to me that this fact neither surprised nor seriously bothered me. Human behavior is fairly predictable and if one thing is predictable, its the short attention span of a child. They aren't particularly inclined to tell the same story a second time. If Mom arrives home first, she get the juicy news. After that, the child is thinking, "I already told Mom so go ask her." They broke their news and now its time for something else. Kind of like guys and the power tool section at Lowe's. Moving from one tool to another and never really needing to back track.

The study showed that 59% of Mommies got a warm greeting when coming home. Only 44% of Dads received something similar. Forty-eight percent of Moms got news of the day and stories about things that occurred. Only 29% of Dads received something similar.

Dads - if you're not the first to get home, don't despair. You may not get the same greeting, but you can certainly get the same bond with your kids. Make sure you spend evening hours with them. Help with homework, play board games, finish a puzzle, shoot some hoops or play football (American or European versions work equally well). While doing all of this interaction, talk to them about their day. Share parts of your day (if it isn't terribly boring to a kid). They will feel like a million bucks if you're always available to listen. Also, talk to your wife about structuring the kids' time so they aren't engrossed in War and Peace at the time you arrive home. If they are less preoccupied, you have a better shot of getting that warm welcome. Admit it, when a smiling kid gives you a great "hi Dad!" greeting, you feel pretty damn good.

 

Source article: http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2010/01/05/hi-kids-im-home-study-says-children-ignore-dads-more-than-moms/

 

 
Comments (3)
1 Monday, 11 January 2010 09:32
Paul Snyder
It totally depends on your relationship with your child. My wife is with Elijah all day and it doesn't matter what he is doing, if he hears me walk through the door he stops what he is doing and comes charging toward me shouting mup mup!(that is up he is only 17months) Best feeling.....ever! As for wives it difficult because now with the baby involved greeting with the wife has changed. Before she would ask how my day was and now she has to wait for me to be done greeting Elijah. Usually by then I start asking about him and how he was for her that day then talking about my day falls to the wayside. That conversation usually occurs though but at a later time. Bottom line is that you get the relationship results that you put in. If you are a working Dad that comes home and craps out on the couch, it is unrealistic to just EXPECT a close relationship with your family. Dads that come home and just start spouting off negative comments or barking orders can also not expect a warm environment. Gotta be warm to get warm.
2 Monday, 11 January 2010 13:01
Jillian Snyder
Well said, love ;) As a SAHM there are days I find it very difficult to greet my husband with warmth and affection. We all know there are days when the kid is sick, teething, or just moody - those days feel like weeks! I do make a conscious effort to make sure to wait to ask Paul to do things around the house or to let him know that my day was rough - no one wants to be greeted that way. I find the hardest days for me to communicate warmly with Paul are the days I work. As soon as Paul gets home I need to get myself, and usually our son, ready to be out the door. On these days I try to make sure to at least give my husband a kiss and a smile before the race begins. On days I do not work, sitting down as soon as Paul gets home as a family or as a couple (if Elijah is napping) and just being with each other for about 30 minutes makes for a great evening. It's tempting to play pass the baby as soon as the working spouse gets home, but time as a family is so important. It's the very best part of my day. Connecting is important, not just father and children, but father and mother too! It's hard when all I want to do is hand our son off for 5 minutes and all Paul wants to do is sleep for 30 minutes, but it really does help. In this way, I think all three of us feel validated and cared for. And I absolutely adore how our little boy just glows when his Abbah comes home :)
3 Wednesday, 13 January 2010 14:14
Vanessa
I can only comment on what I hear my sons who now have children say. My oldest son was laid off from his job. He worked mornings so now he is the one who has to get the children up and off to school because his wife works days. But my daughter-in-law says he is better organized than she was. He gets their clothes ready at night. All homework is done and book bags are at the door, and what they will be having for breakfast has already been decided on the night before.

He tolded me it was a wonderful feeling seeing his son who is in the first grade get out of the car and walk down the sidewalk to his school and just before he enters he turns and waves goodbye.

He said it sent chills down his spine.

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